Revenge Or Relief?

13 Reasons Why By Jay Asher

I am nearing the end of the book 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. It is about the protagonist, Clay, listening to tapes recorded by someone who commits suicide. Hannah, the author of these tapes, creates them to tell 13 people why she decided to commit suicide, and what they had to do with it. On each tape, she records a moment of realization, and each one involves one of the 13 people on her list. In these tapes she tells her story, the one that no one has bothered to listen to. In each story, she tells of how that person hurt her, how that person affected her. It seems a little harsh, no? Leaving little reminders that you caused someone to take their life. A little like revenge. It seems as though Hannah did this out of anger, as if she wanted the people on her list to be forever haunted and with guilt. That may be why she started the tapes, but I think that it went deeper than that.

All of Hannah's stories so far, are truly terrible. From any other character's point of view it may have not been, but from Hannah's, I was able to feel upset for her that things went downhill ever since she moved. I can grasp the concept of why she would want to make the people feel guilty. I understand why she would want the 13 people on her list, to realize the affects of their actions. I understand it completely. I remember a couple of years ago, I was extremely upset. I can't remember why exactly, but I remember that it felt like my whole world was crashing down on me. Dramatic. I know. But I felt like I hated everyone, and I couldn't deal with anything anymore. I felt cramped in my small room,  and I felt lonely. I wrote down all the things I was thinking into an empty notebook, and left it on the dining room table. I wanted my family to realize how miserable I was. I wanted them to wander upon it, and find a tear-stained scribbled mess of anger and sadness. I wanted them to feel bad. But just as my mom was about to pick it up, I hurriedly snatched the notebook, suddenly changing my mind. I wouldn't meet her stare. I realized it wasn't fair to drag others into my problems, and that it was selfish of me to want them to suffer as much as I was. So I tore up the paper and threw them away.

So, yeah. The tapes that Hannah made could be looked at as unfair, and cruel. It could be argued that blaming these people and then making a permanent reminder is unjust. But I don't view Hannah as the kind of person that was filled with hate for herself and everyone around her. I think she was just tired of hearing rumors about her. She was tired of being looked over as unimportant, as if everyone already knew everything about her. But no one really did. I think that she told her story for the 13 people, in the way it actually was. In this way, the tapes acted as relief to Hannah, because she left the world knowing that her former reputation was cleared.

When I first started reading this book, I thought, this girl is really cruel. But as her story unfolded, I began to understand. The 13 people she blamed for her suicide, they all contributed to her source of unhappiness. Mostly by creating rumors, or breaking her trust. Hannah's trust was battered and bruised from her experiences, and she just wanted to give up. But the tapes, after a while, came off as sad to me. Listening, or reading one after another, I started to accept that she just wanted clarification for everyone. And I felt pain for her, that she needed to do that. Its not fair, that all of her problems escalated so far. Overall, I don't think that Hannah found pleasure in the tapes she made. I think she had a purpose in making them. Do you think she wanted to relive all those moments, that led to her wanting to take her life? Because I don't think so. She wanted people to understand her. Not pity, but simply understand her situation. By recording the tapes, she accomplished just that.

But what do you think was her reasoning? Revenge or relief?